Holidays Are Not Happy for Many LGBTQ+ People

Written by Steven Haden

I am grateful to be alive and celebrating the holidays. A little over 16 years ago, while I was still actively struggling with a substance use disorder and depression, the holidays were chaotic, unhealthy, and not very fun. Today, I am careful about the spaces I show up in and guard my sobriety.

The holiday season can be especially triggering for many people. However, LGBTQ+ people are more likely than their non-LGBTQ+ counterparts to experience loneliness, stress, anxiety, and depression during this time of the year. Research shows that LGBTQ+ people are more likely to experience these symptoms year round. Moreover, numerous mental health providers say that the holiday season, especially returning home for the holidays, can exacerbate these symptoms.

Challenges for the LGBTQ+ Community When Home for the Holidays

One reason is that there is an emphasis on gathering with family. Being home for holiday celebrations can be stressful for those in the LGBTQ+ community, especially if families are not welcoming and supportive. For example, LGBTQ+ individuals may experience verbal attacks or microaggressions associated with their LGBTQ+ identity or identities. Some members of the community are not able to be ‘out’ to family members, and some LGBTQ+ people are not allowed to return home due to their LGBTQ+ identity. Other LGBTQ+ people are experiencing homelessness because they were kicked out of their homes for being LGBTQ+. In this way, holidays can lead to increased mental health challenges for LGBTQ+ people. One way to improve mental health associated with family is to reach out to supportive people in your life. Choose your own family and be with people that love the authentic you.

Struggling with Substance Use at the Holidays

Another reason holidays can be difficult for LGBTQ+ folks is because people use substances to celebrate. According to the 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health, LGBTQ+ adults reported using substances at a higher rate than those who are not LGBTQ+. There are many factors associated with this disparity, such as lack of support, co-occurring mental health challenges, LGBTQ+ stigma and discrimination, and systemic inequities.

With every holiday season, I am learning to create my own family and find joy. Help, hope, and healing are possible. 

Suggestions for navigating the holidays without substances:

•  Reach out for support from a mental health care provider or peer support program.
• Attend LGBTQ+-friendly recovery meetings.
• Make plans for the holiday that do not involve substances.
• Spend time with people who respect your boundaries around substances.
• If you attend an event where alcohol is present, try bringing your own non-alcoholic beverage to drink.

Some ways to support LGBTQ+ people during the holidays:

• Educate yourself on the experiences of the LGBTQ+ community. ♥️
• Be kind. ♥️
• Use our correct names and pronouns. ♥️
• Validate our experiences. ♥️
• Celebrate the holidays with us. ♥️

Steven is the Chief Executive Officer and Co-Founder of  Envision:You, a Colorado-based non-profit behavioral health initiative that addresses the disproportionate burden, disparity in care, and poor outcomes that LGBTQ+ individuals encounter every day. Queer folks must confront stigma and prejudice based on their sexual orientation or gender identity while also dealing with the societal bias against mental health conditions. Some people report having to hide their sexual orientation from those in the mental health system for fear of being ridiculed or rejected. Some hide their mental health conditions from their LGBTQ+ friends. Envision:You was founded to support, educate, and empower members of the LGBTQ+ community living with mental health and substance use disorders, in addition to supporting partners and allies who are working to enhance provider training, expand research in the field, and increase available resources.

If you or someone you know is experiencing an emotional or mental health crisis, please contact Colorado Crisis Services by calling 844-493-8255 or text TALK to 38255.

Learn more about Maria Droste’s LGBTQ+ counseling services and Envision:You.