Questions to Ask a Significant Other Before Taking the Next Step

Being in a relationship involves the melding of two separate lives. In a perfect world, this would be a seamless integration where everything just fits and works out for the best. In the real world, there are certain questions that need to be answered before you can take the next step with your partner think about taking the next step and mesh your lives together. 

Whether the next step is getting more serious, moving in together, or marriage, you still need the answers to some serious questions. Open conversations are a crucial piece of healthy, lasting relationships. Sometimes these questions can be discussed and explored between the two of you. Other times, these questions can bring up larger issues that require the help of couples counseling. Either way, they’re important.

When looking to take the next step, first pause and have an honest conversation with one another. In that conversation, there are many questions to ask. Some questions to consider include:

• Do we connect on a deeper level?
• Are we prepared to take the next step in our relationship?
• What communication style do we prefer?
• Will you support me in a major life change?
• What do our finances look like?
• What will our living situation look like?
• Do we have similar future goals?
• What are our boundaries?

Do we connect on a deeper level?

Many people dream about meeting their perfect match. While you can have the same interests, in a romantic relationship, you need more than liking the same flavor of ice cream and having the same coffee order. Determining if you’re a match is deeper and requires insight beyond the superficial aspects of a relationship. Having this deeper connection will help when the urge of fight or flight arises.

Are we prepared to take the next step in our relationship?

If you’re having doubts about your relationship, now isn’t the time to take the next step. Instead you should be working to remove those doubts if this is a relationship you want to last. To do this, work with your significant other to strengthen your bond and find what works best for your relationship. It’s also important for you to take care of and prioritize your personal needs. Remember, self care isn’t selfish; in fact, it can refresh you enough to be more receptive to communication. Only once you’re strong together and individually should you consider taking the next step.

What communication style do we prefer?

Whether you’re more of a direct or indirect communicator, understanding both you and your partner’s communication style is vital. Doing so will help you work together to better understand one another and what you need individually from your relationship. If you’re noticing arguments related to frequent miscommunication or bringing up past issues, working through attachment in your relationship conflicts can help you come together.

Will you support me in a major life change?

Things happen in life that we don’t always see coming. Sometimes we have a change of heart, just need something new, or go through challenging circumstances. While you’re not guaranteeing that something like this is going to happen, it’s nice to know whether or not you’ll have the support of your significant other if it does. Knowing your partner will be there no matter what ahead of time can help you to realize whether or not you’re ready for the next step in your relationship. We all want to know that our loved ones support us.

What do our finances look like?

Finances are a big area of concern in relationships and cause tension between couples. Get on the same page about your finances as early as possible. Decide what your financial goals are, what budgeting system works best for you, understand each other’s spending habits and talk about whether you’d have joint or separate accounts in the future.

What will our living situation look like?

Knowing what you both want in a home is extremely important. This goes for the present and future. Consider how many rooms you need to accommodate your joint belongings and have enough living space for yourselves. If you decide you would like to purchase a home together, start by each reviewing your credit score. This preparatory step can help you best understand your financial state as a couple and ensure you’re logistically able to buy a home together.

Do we have similar future goals?

Individuals enter relationships with their own expectations surrounding where things will lead. The desires and goals will be unique to your specific relationship. It is important to have discussions about each of your future goals before making any decisions that would limit either partner from reaching their goals.

What are our boundaries?

Everyone has boundaries. Knowing what yours and your significant other’s boundaries are will help strengthen your relationship. Being both self-aware and able to acknowledge how your partner is feeling can help you to suggest taking a step back and a moment to breathe in moments of tension. It’s important to know that your partner respects your boundaries, and that they know you respect theirs.

These are only a few of the important questions you and your significant other should be asking one another before taking the next step in your relationship. Knowing these answers and being on the same page will help you to better understand one another and move forward successfully. 

If you would like to speak to a therapist about this topic or try couples counseling, contact Maria Droste’s Access Center at 303-867-4600.